Monsters in my Pockets: The Silver Souls Edition

Y'know, Pokémon is a big deal. I know I know, when it came out, it was only this cult game played by the two less-than-normal kids in your school (I'm a proud memeber of that exclusive club), but now...there's a whole lot of non-odd kids playing it. And the same kids who were playing it then are still playing it, only now they're twenty-one and living in the basement of their parent's house (I'm a proud member of that exclusive club). But anyways, seriously. Kids play Pokémon more than they go outside. Which isn't saying much, as I think they're outside roughly 3% of every day, but this is besides my point. What I'm saying is...

What do you like to play? Pokémon.

And I like to play Pokémon too. I've liked to play Pokémon before it was even made, probably, only I didn't know it at the time. So there.

So here we are, after so many Pokémon games I can't even name them all. There's Pokémon Reds and Blues (and Green in Japan, because they like Pokémon even more than you!) and Yellows. There's Gold Pokémons and Silver Pokémons and even Pokémons that are made of Crystals. Some Pokémons that are Ruby or Sapphire or Emerald or Diamond or Pearl or even Platinum. Soon enough we're even getting the Fifth Generation, which I have already decided is the Racist Generation, because naming something Black and White automatically means you're racist.

But before the Racist Generation and the even-more-fun-but-also-far-off Sixth/Gender Generation (which is Pokémons Male/Female/Trans Versions), we get to inject body parts into already-existing Pokémon games and pretend they bring a whole lot of new content to the floor. Huzzah!

So GameFreak, who are masterminds of making the same game again and yet still getting me to buy it, tried even less and got me to buy even more. Their strategy is either amazing or I'm a complete sucker. Second option sounds about right.

Like always, you start off as a twenty-seven-year-old drifter fresh out of the slammer for attempted Pokélove. Some goverment agent named after a plant says 'Hey, you look like a good candidate to go give this Egg to some random guy named Pokémon.' Yes, GameFreak is so amazing, they name their NPC's Pokémon. There's Nurse Pokémon, and Officer Pokémon, and Pokémon 'Ash' Ketchum, and this time, Mr. Pokémon.

So anyways, you take the egg and make an omelette and beat up some kids on the side of the road for their lunch money, when Correctional Officer Elm calls you on your 'PokéGear' (which is a fancy Pokéname for a PokéCellPhone/Map/Radio/that bracelet thing they give sex offenders) and tells you some fruitcake broke into his office and randomly stole the Pokémon that's strong type-wise against your own. If you're cool, he stole the BluAligator or whatever the hell it's named, because that means you took the Fire Wolverine thing, which is the awesomest and dontchu deny.

After that, you run into this guy, who thinks he's all that and doesn't even tell you his name, because wow is he cool. So you kick his ass. And then he cries. And after thirteen minutes of holding him in your arms, he confesses that all he ever wanted was to be loved. So you hit him over the head and give him amnesia, and steal his Trainer's Liscense.

After that stuff happens and you get badges and join a gang that kills Pokémons and crap, but I won't spoil the amazing storyline for you. Seriously, it rivals the 'AVATAR' in superior storytelling abilities. So read about it yourself!

Anyways, the big new thing is this 'PokéWalker' thing. Apparently you can put Pokémons in balls and carry them around. Who knew?! I didn't, but seriously, I don't get it. If this is some attempt to get kids to go outside, why make the game in the first place? It seems to defeat the purpose. But what do I know, I'm just some chick on the internet with a blog.

After that, the next big thing is that in-game you can make your Pokémon follow you around with a mixture of brainwashing and a leash. Somehow this makes your Pokémon like you even more, which makes sense, because I know I loved to be leashed and dragged around by someone. All joking aside, I really actually did enjoy being able to do that, but that's mostly because Pikachu are easy to kick.

Otherwise, this game is identical to Pokémon Red and Blue, probably, and no, I won't acknowledge that there have been changes for the battle system. Also I will whine because 151 Pokémon is supposedly better than 151+300whateverelse Pokémon. I will also whine because I enjoy the earth flat and I like wearing a corset and some pantaloons. Whatever that means.

If I was to be serious here, for just a paragraph, I'd say SoulSilver redeemed Johto in my Pokédisillusioned eyes. Back in the day it just felt tacked-on and lacking personality, and the Pokémon didn't really have their own style apart from Kanto's. Now, though, with the power of the Nintendo Dual Screens, Johto has been reborn and giving personality, and I truly appreciate GameFreak for fixing that one regret I always had. So thanks, you guys, even if it's sad you haven't had a really good idea in 14 years.

But being serious is for people who aren't funny. Like me.

Anyways, this game receives 3.4/10 Slowpoketails.

...I ate the other ones, so it's more like 9.4/10. :sweats: