Phoenix Wright: Ace Name To Get Misspelled!

Seriously, who does this guy think he is, faux-rockin' the name Phoenix. Everyone knows I'm the real Phoenix. I was Phoenix before Phoenixes even existed, yeah what now. But...I am not a lawyer. So...you win that round, Nicky.

Anyways, Phoenix Wright is about a mutant human-porcupine hybrid who named himself after a mystical creature. He solves crimes with superior powers of bullshit, finger-pointing, and whining. His girlfriend is a paranormal psychologist who dresses like a whorish version of Prince, and his previous girlfriend was a pair of breasts that magically appear on his current girlfriend whenever he needs a little something something. They have fun times with some guy they brought back from the Victorian period, a dude who pretends he's a detective, some bald old guy, and a bunch of other characters that appear once and never come back, like Hilarious Name-Pun Guy and...Hilarious Name-Pun...Girl.

Sometimes Phoenix actually has evidence to prove that he's right, but in the Wright court of law, you have to stumble your way through the whole thing like a bumbling bumbler. Who bumbles. Bumbly. Of course, yelling stuff at the top of your lungs and pretending you're Wright (lol, puns) always works, as does badgering a witness. Seriously, lock a witness in a room with a badger in their pants, and you've got them. Unfortunately, that's not a usable method of witness persuasion in Phoenix Wright, so that's silly and why would you even think that.

Also, sometimes you cross-examine a witness. Strangely enough, cross-examining has nothing to do with crossdressing, which I found patently absurd. Sometimes also, you yell at them, and they go crazy, which is your time to declare them guilty, which they always are. I don't know why making them crossdress wouldn't do that. I know if you put my brother in a skirt and some lipstick, he'd confess.

When you crossdress a witness, apparently their testimony always has these things called 'contradictionaries'. I don't know why they have books filled with the meanings of various never-used words, but once you find these books, you throw them at the witness and the prosecution, who is always right and oh look isn't he sexy I'm sure he and his boyfriend Phoenix Wright have a lot of fun together. Also, I think his name is a euphamism for Really Giant Penis.

Miles Edgeworth, you so silly. (Me love you long time.)

There's also the part when you aren't in court. That involes poking various objects at the crime scene; a bench, a pot, a blood stain on the floor, Mia's breasts...looking for evidence. Of course, the only evidence you're ever gonna find that way is that those breasts are totally fake. But somehow, while you can't always get what you want, if you try sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need. And you may just sing the Rolling Stones. Or get seranded by a puppet and his clown friend, who sings 'Fresh Clown of Phoenix Wright'.

There's also some 'paranormal' stuff in this game, but it's all just an excuse to get a seventeen-year-old some D-cups, so I'm not going to talk about that.

Overall, Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: How Did I Pass The Bar gets an 'OBJECTION!' and 8-and-a-half lashes from VON KARMA, Mister Phoenix Wright.